The loss – of one’s self

When a beloved – whom we have spent years or decades with…passes on, the grieving process is one that goes beyond losing ‘the spouse’.

It includes losing part of one’s self as well.
The things that were done together that you both loved doing. You don’t have that same person to do them with – and never will. There will always, always be differences. The person you danced with before – there will never be another one that dances like them. The person you joked with – will never be there again to crack those jokes to and receive them in the same manner – ever again. And it is not only, as I mentioned, the loss of them. It is the loss you encounter along the way – of that same person – whom you shared all of your being with. There will never be another exactly like them to fill that spot and allow you to be the same person you were. Things change. And that is the loss that is felt deep in one’s heart. It is not noticed at first. It surfaces after life starts to go into normal phase.
The frustrating thing is you can’t put your finger on it until it smacks you in the face – multiple times.
Why! Why do I feel this sadness? Then slowly the layers and layers of processing and wondering unveil the core of the issue. You indeed lost part of your own being when they passed. It wasn’t noticed before. You felt the sadness. But the reason for the sadness escaped you. You felt maybe it was the same grief you have felt for the last segment of time since they crossed over. But it is different. The tide receded and when it returned, it returned with fresh emotion. And you finally realize – YOU will never be the same. You can’t be. Because we change. We all change. Every day. No matter the circumstances. The change is inevitable.
However this grief is different. It is over the loss of what you did, had, were, saw, embraced, loved, found, experienced, lived.

Even the acknowledgement of understanding this takes some self-love. We need to be gentle. To be embracing of the pain that is there. Acknowledging it. Feeling it. Grieving. And learning….to continue to grow. To live.

Living fully – carving a life,

Michelle

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